TRUE ROMANCE

                                    TRUE ROMANCE

                                   Lust is pure, love is Subjective

I lied, i denied, i refused to accept ....yes it was infidelity  and yes she was my mistake...... who would have thought that what started as a momentary fling,  later on will become truth of my life.

I was young, naive, thought this is part of life, even considered this to be a virtue and by the time i realized, i had already walked miles, and there was no looking back, the only thing kept ticking was the left within me, guilt: guilt of hiding the fact, guilt of keeping her a secret from my loved ones, for not having courage to embrace her in front of this so-called society.... a bond of companionship was now the reason of my seclusion.

It was a betrayal, betrayal of my conscious, what began as love was now a mere addiction, there was no equality, there was master and then there was slave, yes I was her slave; and i had no shame accepting that. I needed her more than ever and she completed me. Though the urge of having her made me insignificant but then i was ready to make any sacrifice for her. I was ready to kill my ego, my sole integrity for existence, for sake of her brightened face, which was like a ball of fire within the gigantic view of cosmic world.

She gave meaning to my life, It was her company who gave alternative to my mundane boredom, holding her in my hand made me felt complete... she was the complementing fact of my creative side, and  then time came when it was either her or nothing.

Realization occurred, i had to make a tough choice, and moment by moment it was becoming challenging. This relationship had made me rather more of a crippled rather than a dependant entity.

Amid of this agony of being virtually handicapped, the icing on the cake was my justification for her seduction, my conscious effort to deny my feelings, i was still looking out for her support and yet i was denying.

I controlled myself from visiting her...and later i convinced myself that there can be life without
indulging in her company and then finally i got her out of my system.

I felt relaxed, there was no guilt , no lying .. no more excuses,  ... i was more than active, more than fresh and suddenly life became fun until i dint hit my moment of weakness.

It was raining like hell and i was standing there on the bus stop, waiting for my bus to come. It was pouring badly and the urge of seeing her was at its pinnacle ....one last time, just one last time. I was thinking aloud, concentrating the falling of water droplets in slow motion from the edges of an umbrella... i was unable to decide, whether to walk away or wait for bus... and then i decided what any story writer in Indian film would have done, i flipped the coin... best of three became best of five and insanity became armature behavior.  

It was simple, i wanted to feel her once, after all, one time is no such crime, that’s what logical brain was debating with the emotional one... but then emotional side one was already in awe of her and was against the idea of being away from her.

One thing led to another and once became twice then thrice and no time, i was back to the usual routine.

Quitting was never easy and it never will be, more than quitting her it was that moment of weakness which is hard to quit.

Disclaimer: All this while i was taking about Drinking and Smoking.... All those who have thought other way round please read this again.   

No Cigarette and alcohol were used during the making of this piece of shit – Issued in the interest of health ministry.