Thursday, January 7, 2010

DoomsDay

It was almost two years, I could find this as an occasion or probably another chance that made me able to visit this place once again, it was a real tight schedule and my routine was not at all better than any monologue; it was a 15 day stay at Jammu.

It’s still same as it was two years back or probably six. In the recent times, my visits have been curtailed, frequency has been limited, but who cares, lesser the duration better is the kick.

October, November and December; three painful months, marriages everywhere ,well it seems everyone is so damn committed of committing the same mistakes; kind of seasonal flue which comes every Oct, Nov and Dec; roads blocked and traffic Jams; and if it is your near and dear one then, check out some intestinal drug, maftol fort …etc…….. same venue and same menu, same people and same monologue; when are u getting married?

Fuck you!!! For such morons life ends at marriage and my trip begins with marriage, same kashmiri wazwan for next 15 days, Wooh-ah can u beat that. Kashmiri’s categorizes food in two categories, Yellow and red; which further classifies carnivorous as milder or spicy ones.

Its starts with fish and chicken cutlets, come on you can switch to sausages, at least they smell different…. which are supposedly starters but nobody over there treats them with that respect, which is further followed by oily Kabarga, delicious Rista and yummy yakhni , which are the milder ones and the spicy red Roganjosh, soft soft Mas and somewhat fried rosted chicken, that's what they intent; are the Red ones, going for yellow shows your lesser appetite for red ones, which simply means that you are definitely not the chosen one and if you don’t taste Kabarga and rista then it’s a complete lackluster performance; bloody hypocrites.

The middle solution is that your plate should be the amalgamation of Red and yellow, else you will be disowned by the reputed Kash-miri samaj, take my shit. Kashrimi’s understand only one thing, power of appetite; aunties, grannies and grandpa, all believe in eating and they will eat till their last breath, in fact they can hold their last breath so that they can have some more Rista’s and Mas.

Kashmiri’s are graded on the scale of ten and the qualifying criteria is; appetite for RED. Rista’s usually of 3 cm of radius have lesser spices and is deep fried in ground nut oil, preferably trademark "P Marka Oil"; which you can easily have three or four.... as per der believe; where as Mas, it’s like kabab’s but has no tomato and onions, and are 5 cm long, of course the ideal ones, one can accommodate 3-4.

Grading is relative, it depends upon how much you eat, only few people are bestowed with the skill of accommodating 2 Mas at a time or multiple ristas, again it’s not quantity its quality, one who chooses the best will be ranked number one.

Kashmiri’s have a unique way of calculating their appetite, first two pieces are never considered .... (its something close to checking out the spices.. u know how it tastes .....) in the total count and If at all count increases 4, then they stop counting and yet they give tantrum’s food was not good or I couldn’t eat much, have high B P... just tasted the species... it was finish before i ...... and the best part is that I am one of them.

Kashmiri’s believe in homemade remedies, radish which is supposed to be an difficult to digest eatable; is considered as an emulator to digest this hard core Non Veg preparations when crushed with curd and salt, with Green chilly as toppings; bingo; what a Wis-Dom....must say this should get nominated for Nobel peace prize and if above recipe fails, which will fail because nothings can make PEACE in ur tummy after having such a meal..... and perhaps next day will be your’s Doomsday.