It’s not easy to hold thoughts, they seek avenues; just like a wet dream. At the back of my mind, I had an idea but somehow was feeling quite reluctant to pen down those random thoughts. Somewhere, in some way I didn’t know how to define HER; defiantly I was missing out something and hence was avoiding. Few days back I read Ramu’s blog where he described his passion for Sridevi; right at that moment I decided that I am going to write what I was feeling for so many years.
Boy meets a girl, either it turns out to be love or hatred, friendship perhaps can exist but what I had for her was unlike of human nature. More often, relationship is seen with the lens of voyeurism or lust and seldom with respect but what I felt for her was above all these lucid emotions, it was divine, of its own league it was indeed a pure devotion and that’s what I felt for her when I first saw her in the springs of 2002.
Springs as a metaphor is interpreted as kind of re-birth, springs of 2002 was much like a arousal for me, although I was born some years back but the day I saw her first is what I feel as I was born in the real sense. It was then I realized the sense and developed the appetite to appreciate beauty, her charm was in comparable; and yet its adorableness was there for the naked eyes. The ecstasy; that ran in my blood was like the 440 volt of current which made be dumbfounded. She was indeed a gratifying edifice, which defined the meaning of delicacy with utmost elegance and grace. If at all I ever thanked god for creating humans then it was only for her; whom I call ANGEL.
Physicist were sadly mistaken as they defined only four forces, and skipped the most important one, “Force of getting lured” which she exuded from her winsome gestures. The spell of her beauty was for which anyone can die for; which can mesmerize even the dead ones, and can make them realize that they are DEAD. Her amiable smile; the symbol of peace; was so pious that it could have cured any hazardous disease; probably that’s why she was a medicine student. I always wished her to be a doctor and me being her patient, ah!! What else can one desire for?
Ok let me try to describe her , I know it sounds bit wired and it’s equally audacious to define ANGEL in mere words where she herself stand as a epitome of literature and whole world seems minuscule in front of her. For me she was the quintessential form of beauty, blended with the rawness of innocence, this made others aesthetic and the enigma of her personality; that I couldn’t fathom till this date was simply telesmatic. Her face gave a resemblance of Vinci’s Mona Lisa; still, calm and enigmatic, her black hair were road to heaven and her nose; which was a like a ruby entangled in a necklace. I honestly believe that adjectives were discovered because of her, and since I have done the sin of describing her, I just want to say she truly justifies the concept of anthropomorphism.
This story began when I joined classes and she too was there. It looks quite disgusting that an Angel has to get enroll, though books was her forte but still like all other routine humans she had to do the dutiful. I use to come hour before as all the students including her use to wait in the park outside the classes. Since she uses to come directly from school so had no alternative but to wait for an hour, although I had no reason to come early and wait there but still I use to be there for her, just to have a glimpse of her from the other side of the park.
The day arrived, she came to classes after a break as she was suffering from typhoid; I went to had some water from the water cooler and suddenly Angel was there in front of my eyes . I wished I could pause that particular moment and behold her till eternity but as we know beautiful moments comes in a small quantum of time and so was this, I thought of kindle the conversation by enquiring about her health but it felt as if I have to ask James Cameron about his break that he took after making Titanic, as she has no other job except briefing me with her health. Nevertheless our conversation was like Titanic unlike of Kate Winslet and L’ DeCapri; it was more like that giant ship which had to sink. I wasted time in analyzing and she herself greeted me and that was last thing I remember because for next one hour I was actually subconscious.
This was the first time when I had an eye contact with her, her dark black eyes with a brownish eyeball looked like a brownish egg with the golden refraction, laid deep beneath in the sea. Her eyes were truly the metaphoric symbol for the calm ocean where lots of ships can co-exist and yet each of them believes that ocean belongs to him only. Her eyes exuded kindness and at the same time they exhibited the authority. Black Bindi on her forehead multi folded the depth of her eyes and a mole on her chin; exuberated the show. She had a dulcet dialect and her voice, echoed in my ear for whole week. For next seven days I tried not to be in her vicinity as another dosage of her charm would have made me fugue.
Once after our class was done, i saw her on the road amid with her two friends; negotiating with some Auto driver; how lucky that dog was? Having said that he was a moron too; arguing with damsel, who has come from paradise, beautifully clad in her white uniform was absurd.
I don’t know why I love monsoon, but I just love them. After a heavy shower, there is a rare aroma due to the wet loam (soil), this aroma has its own hysteria, incomparable fragrance. Gosh I love to love what I love about monsoon.
Some motivate by their deeds and some with their actions; it started raining; I took an extra umbrella for her. In the meantime it got really dirty; though it was noon but it was already dark. First I thought of skipping my class but then I thought about her and soon all ambiguities were over. She came in, almost dry yet her hair were wet. Though she had an umbrella but somehow her face was looked wet. It looked like an angel from a fairy tale has found new abode and has witnessed first shower of her life; intrigued about rains so playing with it and up there; so called deities; watching the delightful sight and this made rain of proud of itself.
What I saw next was truly cinematic; in a tight close up, where only the upper half of her face was in the focus; the grip was so fine that I was able to capture even her small gestures and she did something; she winked her eyes, her eyelashes kissed each other and when they got apart something happened and it disturbed me, something got dripped which shifted my focus from her eyes; it was the rain drop. At that particular point those rain drops were like price less pearls. Her ear had an entangled drop and it looked like the tip of the snowy covered mountain, this was indeed majestic. At that time, my eyes kept wide open as was my mouth and it felt that there is goddess, goddess of beauty who has just taken a sacred bath, standing in front of me and she shredding priceless moments which none of the camera can ever capture except; except my eyes, and with that I winked them and captured the most rare moment of my life.
Rare thing happens rarely and that’s why they become rare. It was a dream come true, I was in my car and she came out from the classes, I asked her friend’s friend for the drop, chain reaction got instigated and soon she with her friends were there. I wanted her to sit beside me as other way; her glimpse in the rear-view mirror would have distracted; jokes apart it would have been ………. . She sat behind driver’s seat and with that I adjusted my rear-view, she scroll down the window and cool breeze came in and kissed her face, disturbing her hair and then my concentration. With every turn I had her view and it became more prominent, though it was only side view but it worth a ton. I left them at their destination but the presence of her is still there in the rear view.
I hate winters and there is no second thought about that, freezing down to the single digit temperature, wrapped with fleece, can’t imagine a second without room heater, and that’s why I always wonder why the hell it has to be. Finally I was dawned with the wisdom and winters of 2003 became the most memorable and the unforgettable one.
It was an arduous winter, we had a class at 7 in the morning, I was there at well before time, as it was supposed to be the last time I could see her and I had no intentions to ruin it so I was well before time, I had a company of my friend and FOG, of course no need to say about angel since was always there in my mind. At around 8 doors were opened and except me and my friend only few were there, trembling in the cold winter my mind was praying only for her, don’t know just wanted to see her for the last time.
Few more came, but still something was missing; it was 8:30 and finally she arrived; she was in a velvet green jacket. She entered with a smile on her face and of course seeing her smiling, I felt esthetic, somehow there was the sense of Warmth and the amalgamation of being in cold and warmth was divine, which I never felt again. She uttered something to her friend; although her voice wasn’t audible but I could see the smoke/frost coming out from her mouth, and somehow I think I owe it to god since all these feeling and especially this scene was not possible without having WINTERS
Before I can end up I just want to say, throughout this post I didn’t mention her color, neither I mentioned her height nor I made her a selling commodity and address her with derogatory rhetoric like ravishing, sensuous, voluptuous…etc; because I feel that these things can never define the essence of the beauty, to the maximum, they can manipulate the feelings with the Sham of some glamorous vocabulary and glittering emotions which die as soon one closes his eyes. I never heard any violins or for that matter Mozart; neither I visualized any song sequence, in short no filmy clichéd happened with me but whatever happened was more than that, something which can be seen with your closed eyes, which could be realized without touching it, u can hear it not from your ears but from your heart and finally, it’s the feeling which never dies as its connected with your soul. This is exactly what I felt about her.